My Guilty Pleasure of Food

There is nothing worse than waking up with an awful headache and feeling like there is a drought in your mouth because you desperately need some water due to the massive hangover that you are starting to feel, oh wait there is something worse. Realizing that you ate entire box of messy fries the night before by yourself, probably without breathing in between each bite. I am always terribly disappointed when I wake up that next morning and find the oversized styrofoam box on my night stand with a bunch of dirty napkins accompanying it. In that instant I know I have done something that I always regret and I start ask myself, why do I do this?

The big box just stares me in the face as I start to feel the guilt starting to set in. Apart of me just wants to roll over and pretend that I didn’t actually eat that last night, and that it is my roommates. But I know in my mind that that is clearly not the case and yes I have successfully done it again.

            Messy fries is the type of food that I would not dream of eating sober because I know how many calories it actually contains, nor would I be able to finish the massive portion of them in the right state of mind. The best part about this meal is I go the extra mile to actually break into the sorority house kitchen and into the refrigerator just to get the ranch dressing so that I can drown all of contents inside the box, as if it isn’t bad enough.

            All of the individual items that are put together to make this mess of food are fattening by themselves, but then added all together it creates something that you should not eat on a weekly basis, but apparently every Friday night I think differently. I did a little research just to show myself how bad messy fries actually were for me not like it has stopped me, but this is what I was able to find. The chili by itself is about 300 calories, then you add the french fries which are about another 300 or 350. Then add cheese onto all of that you get around 280. By adding all of that together you get a total of around 900 calories. Now don’t forget I smother them all in ranch dressing which adds about 150 calories, which brings this grand total to 1150 calories. This can be the total amount of calories some people eat in just one day; I on the other hand though take the liberty of eating them in about 20 minutes I would say. And these calculations are for a normal portion of each ingredient, and I can assure you there is not much portion control when constructing this master piece. But then again don’t let me fool you when you add french fries, with pounds of melted cheddar and monetary jack cheeses, with spicy chili that makes your tongue tingle, then suffocate every fry in ranch dressing you get a little something I like to call heaven.

The name “messy fries” is ironic due to the fact that I am typically highly intoxicated when purchasing such an item and I probably look and am acting like a “mess” as well, I can only imagine what I look like while eating them. I guess I could take a wild guess by the amount of napkins I normally find in and around the empty box and the few fries that dropped onto the ground next to my desk, and could say that I clearly do not use a fork. Digging my fingers through the chili and ranch dressing just to find a french fry is a battle in itself. But then being able to find the perfect bite is what takes the longest amount of time. You wouldn’t think that this would be important when I can barely even see straight, but it is. The amount of grease that typically seeps into my fingers from the pulling the stringy cheese apart so that I can get the perfect ratio of chili, cheese, ranch dressing and fries is in a way disgusting. But from the smears of white and brown on all of the napkins I guess you could say that enjoyed eating them.

I think the best thing about the messy fries is the experience you get when you are waiting anxiously to take them home with you. The fact that the Indian man behind the counter recognizes me from last weekend and doesn’t even need me to tell him what I will be ordering is a scary thought. Or when he laughs at me when I try to hand him my debit card but I mistakenly hand him my fake i.d. or the times when I am short a few dollars and they still give them to me because I am such a frequent customer, I can’t decide what situation is more embarrassing. Clearly none of these are too embarrassing though seeing as I always end up with the messy fries.  

Then I also think about my dedication to a food when I am in a totally different state of mind and how I go to great measures to make sure that I can have them. The fact that I have stood and waited in the rain or sat in 20 degree weather just so I can be disappointed with myself in the morning, in my mind could count as an addiction. My sober mind will admit that the messy fries are indeed delicious but my intoxicated mind will go on for days explaining just how delicious they actually are to anyone that will listen. This is a food that I will always have a secret part in my heart for but I will hate to admit to myself and anyone else that I eat these and how much I consume of them on a regular basis.